I wouldn’t have written this some year ago. But a year is
quite a long time to change, and reconsider values in life. A lot changed in my
life in the past year. And I have to say that just like it changed me in a bad
way, it also caused many positive changes in my personality. And this is
exactly what my father told me one not-that-typical Wednesday afternoon: this
is gonna change you. Either in a bad or good meaning of the word, but THIS is
gonna change you... in a way... And again my father was right. As almost
always.
This below is dedicated to my dad. Now on the treshold of
my quarter-of-a-century age I see things differently. I can see that what I
considered to be a reckless money spending was in fact a generosity. A
pessimist and a negative talk was in fact a realist view of a contemporary
society. A sometimes crude and harsh behaviour targeted on me was just a plain
desire to show me that the world will not treat me nicely and that I should
better learn how to cope with it now. And that his insensitive mask he was
wearing since I can remember was merely his attempt to disguise his
vulnerability.
He knows humans, their very nature and that makes him
pessimist about them. Many people disappointed him in his life, many ended up
to be traitors, hypocrites, and calculative swines. But despite all this his
belief in people’s kindness and goodness sustained. He still believes in good
friends and family who would not let him down. He believes that there still is
a minority of good people in the world who despite the cruelty of the society
are still not extinct. They are somewhere and it’s worth believing in them. If
nothing else, it gives one hope. And my father is very hopeful. Despite all the
pessimism, he keeps his hope in people.
As the time goes on I can see myself in him more and
more. Personal traits I once couldn’t stand are now my characteristics – and it
is because I had always been like him, I just didn’t respect myself, that is
why it wasn’t possible for me to respect him. Everyday I discover some more
things about me that I have seen before in my father. And what was before
unacceptable, is now very welcome. I like myself for what I am now. I don’t
hate myself for what I was then, it is a part of growing up. And it’s never too
late, is it?
I thank him for showing me what is important in life.
What matters. What I want to become, and what I don’t. And I hope one day in
far and distant future I will look in a mirror and the wise wrinkles on my old
face will resemble those of my dad.
I see the glimpse of my five year old
smile
Your hair being black back in the times
When prices were low and hopes were
high
Though future was bluer than the skies.
Look at this photo where you and me
Both of us look like catchers in the
rye.
Now everything’s changed since ninety
three,
Once glass is broken, there’s no point
to cry.
Ten years from that I was neither
Holden,
Nor my first cigarette made me look
cool,
Words from my mouth were nothing near
golden,
You must have thought I was a crowned fool.
I didn’t write down your wisdom pearls,
And was still lacking eight tooth in a row,
I thought you just didn’t understand girls
With my defiance I made you my foe.
A decade passed by in the blink of an eye
We fought many battles of frogs and mice.
The truth reveals what seemed to be a lie,
What’s been here all time comes as a surprise.
I know it’s designed, it’s not a mere chance
That our cardgame was played with agression.
I guess we are made of the same substance
And both of us needed to make a progression.
I want to trade the hostility for gratitute
And want to express my deepest regret
That it took me ten years to review my attitude
And to fully grasp what you have meant.
Now I can see why you hate stinginess,
For I wanna be generous as much as I can
To be hopeful each day and show my gratefulness,
And just like you, to become a good man.
No comments:
Post a Comment