Southampton, new home

It has been a month now since a streetcar named desire dropped me off in Southampton. In the city of the Queen of the Ocean I had started a new chapter of my life. So far it has been an experience all inclusive with tears, laughter, love, embarrassment, anticipation, fear, and wonder... and... so on and so forth. I’ve never felt as by my myself and as independent as here. I flew out of parental nest and now free as a bird I at last learn how to cope with hardships of life by myself alone.

I couldn’t have chosen a better place. Here, embraced by the history of this city, I walk down the streets where the very feet of Captain Smith walked, I peep into the front yards of houses, thinking that this might have probably been a house where one of the crew lived their lives until they boarded the ship for their final journey. Here my maritime heart found its new home. 

Southampton

The Southampton sea, so deep and blue,

Glistening with silvery vessels,

My romance that might become true

Is sweeter than all of the desserts.

Here the wisdom of books is embraced

By the long arms of funnels and cranes,

And its purity hidden in a dusty maze

Here my feet wander through roads and lanes.

In the broken home of the Queen of the Ocean,

Captain Smith’s footprints tangle with mine

I’m overwhelmed by the ancient emotion

Joy and euphoria ahead of the time. 

My angel

When two souls were meant to be together, they remain chained, a link so strong not even death can break it. 

I am blessed to have you. 

I believe you look after me wherever you are. I believe that all happened for a reason... 

I know it was your voice I heard inside. I know you are my intuition that I trusted ever since. I know you sent me that good man in the shop who gave me money at the till after my immoderate shopping spree when I didn't have enough to pay. I know you sent me to Prague. I know you have forgiven me for what I did, although I had never forgiven myself. 

Thank you for leading my path. 

Angel

Where have you been sent from? I don’t know...

I held you in my arms and now you’re gone.

You left your home and off you went

Your broken body no one could mend.

...I don’t know why I told everyone,

Those screams in my head just did me harm.

Maybe I desired to be like them,

All kids had one with whom to play.

As bitter and short, as was your journey,

So painful and long, thus is our mourning.

I hope my beliefs end up as no treason

And everything truly happens for reason.

At the cemetery of toys overhead

There you sleep peacefully in your bed. 

Protecting me while still being protected

Your constant presence in me is reflected.

I know that we’ll meet and I’ll wait my turn

Til then I shall let my fire burn,

And this little poem for you to whisper.

For you to not forget I am your sister. 

(Paintings: Edvard Munch)

.-.. --- ...- . (Love)

I have one reoccurring dream that comes to me every now and then in the night. I'm drowning in a dark and lonely sea, I can't see anything, I can only hear splashing water and my shouts for help. But there is no one around. When all of a sudden I see a light, far away in the distance, and this light seem to be approaching me. So I start swimming madly towards this light, it's blinding me, so the ocean around me looks even darker and makes me confused and disorientated. I swim for hours towards this light, I'm losing my strength with every breath I take... 

...and then the light vanishes over the horizon. 

And then I wake up. 

Sometimes I keep thinking about this dream as a metaphor to love. There might be someone who comes and helps you out of the freezing water and dries you up, is your lighthouse in the dark, keeps sailing with you along. Or he turns around and turns off the light. And you drown.  

..    .-.. --- ...- .    -.-- --- ..-
(I Love You)

Can you see that light, does it burn your eyes?

I hold the railing in tight grip.

Standing still and wondering if it counts,

I hold the coin in my palm for a flip.

A flip of chance now floats in the wind

To match the naked bodies

Afloat and godforsaken for no sin

In an ocean of minus degrees.

My heart ignites with desperate plea

Will signal all night, won’t give it a rest.

I see you clearly, why can’t you see me?

Is my ship’s tragedy not of your interest?

In the infinity of the sea I will stay

And will cast my anchor here

The SOS tunes in my ears now play

Along with ‘Nearer My God to Thee‘.

Although my body was made in Belfast

My soul now wanders through the never.

As the light faded on your fore-mast

I knew my ship was doomed forever.

My dear Californian, the beauty in the distance

I signalled Di-di-dit  dah-dah-dah  di-di-dit

Did it all night long with persistence

But you didn’t see...

‘Cos your captain went to sleep.